‘Lost in Translation …’
Is it me or is it difficult being a ‘mum’ in lockdown?
Once in ‘discussion with my husband’, I made the statement – “Well I come from a long line of over-reactors”, his response - “No, Natalie! – YOU ARE THE NUCLEAR REACTOR!” Initially I viewed this as a compliment, I am passionate about whatever I do, but I can’t always be easy to be around, because I am so passionate.
Lockdown - we are all having to change the way we do things, adapt to others that are now occupying on a permanent basis our space. My family have done amazingly well with this, because we get on & in the main we all have our own space to retire to…
However, my daughter calls me obsessive compulsive, because I like the things the way I like them, in place! She on the other hand feels more comfortable with all her things around her at all times, even if she is not in the room at the time!
Recently I have become increasingly frustrated within my ‘space’ and what I am doing, in terms of being house maid, chief bottle washer, head chief, laundrette & shopper. AKA. The menial one!
The children, young adults, conversely have used the lockdown to improve their skills/hobbies, work prospects & generally promote their lives going forward, as of course they should! We are six which includes an extra body in the form of a massive lovely young man who is our daughters boyfriend; his special skill, apart from being charming; is eating - he has the ability to eat his body weight in food a number of times over in a day, if he lived in the 1840’s, Barnum would have offered him a place as a side show entertainment in - The Greatest Showman.
I am a good cook, but it has been an endless task, food plus snacks on a daily roll – It’s like running a small canteen – I have to remember to put labels on food in the fridge, - eat, don’t eat, don’t touch, don’t even think about it! Some food in the ‘larder’ has disappeared completely, with no culprits owning up!
I am working in the hub of the house the kitchen, as my office is otherwise occupied. Naturally everyone comes & goes with snack or cuppa in hand; so interruptions are endless if not completely justified, but it means I get little or nothing done. An example of this, whilst I am writing our eldest son comes to ask me a question about our daughter whom he had just walked past, I asked him, “why don’t you ask her?”, his reply, “She is working!” Actually what she was doing, was painting, with her headphones in, dancing whilst listening to music, whilst pursing her lips & reciting Japan’s phrases as she has decided to learn Japanese for her working tour of Japan that has been postponed due to the pandemic.
It got me pondering, why for example can no one else in the property open or close curtains? It’s not really a special skill, perhaps they just want to walk around all day in semi-dullness or they just don’t notice? Loo rolls these have become another obsession of mine, when you come to end of a loo roll, would it not be obvious to just put it in the bin provide? Instead of balancing the roll on the nearby radiator, for someone else [me] to put it in the bin? Bringing all their shoes down into the hallway & leaving them in a random mathematical style on the floor for me to move so that you can walk down the hallway without fearing for your life in terms of falling. Coats is another fascinating dilemma, how many can you hang on a single hook in the hall before they all fall off & hit the passer by?
Once, after cleaning the downstairs loo, I removed the hand towel & took it to the utility room, collected the clean towel & was on my way back to replace it, in the hallway I came across a person holding their washed wet hands in the air, confused & shocked - “there is no towel in the loo, where has it gone?” - taking the clean towel from me, they dried their hands, gave it back to me & went on their merry way! I made my way to the loo only to find splash marks up the wall, across the mirror & on the floor where they had attempted to dry their hands off! The simple conundrums in my life!
Over this last year we all sit together every evening with fine food to eat & lots of wine. I get to the table last, by which time most of the evening debates are underway & conversation is in full swing. No matter how hard I try to interject in this lively debate to my mind I am either over talked, ignored or marginalised by a tolerant grimace in my direction - I mean what do I know? This ‘irks’ me a – I am not just the house elf! – I have a brain & an opinion.
The next morning, I composed an email & pinged it off to the children, my main complaint was not about the amount of menial work I was doing, it was about my fragile ego, that I had something to contribute other than – being ‘General Dogs Body’ – Let’s face it on reflection it is always a bit of a risky business to complain to your children & try & pretend that you are in any way on their intellectual level or at times even relevant!
First responder; our middle son by text – a kiss emoji with a note saying ‘I love you’. Quite a clever response, it says little but also says everything a mother wants to hear! A tear came to my eye! You see Natalie – They do appreciate you on an intellectual level! Really it is laughable how shallow my ego has got!
Our eldest; I am assuming she just read the email, most probably thought I was over reacting & continued her behaviour as normal… In the hope it would all blow over…
My phone pinged again, title - ‘Rebuttal’ – A message from our youngest son; you had to be a thicker skinned person than me to read it! You know that saying, ‘ask a young person something whilst they still know everything!’ Two of his suggestions that gave cause for thought & I can reveal here.
1. He considered that we drank too much wine over lockdown – ‘enough to sink a small whale’ – Apparently! Well under the current stress, I guess it beats main lining heroin, which is something I can’t do as I am allergic to morphine, so on reflection wine seemed the better option!
2. My bad language – I am not adverse to the odd ‘F-bomb’ when the moment suits, but it is not habitual! I don’t swear at anyone - you understand! Also a bit rich coming from someone who plays expletive driven PlayStation games & full blast music with lyrics that would make Gordon Ramsey blush!
I confess – to the odd expletive, for example when I walk past their rooms & the door is open – I spy the magic carpet of clothes. Clothes that I have recently washed/dried, folded in sorting order of items, socks, pants, joggers, hoodies, jeans – placed in neat piles upstairs outside their corresponding bedroom door. On prompting, they are collected by the owner & deposited on the nearest surface in their rooms. Over the course of the week items of clothing are picked from the pile at random causing the clothes on top to fall to the floor creating a modern day – thick ‘shagpile’ carpet, which stays there, until they are all deposited back into the laundry basket a week later & brought downstairs to be washed again!… I confess I swear!
On a walk with my husband, I discussed the contents of my email & the responses, he laughed, we both laughed! The conclusion was - they all are just normal, lovely young people & because of lockdown we have had the privilege to have spent some quality time with them, apart from the odd hiccup we have laughed our way through this year together... They are kind & generous even if they can’t put clothes away & they do other stuff! Perhaps writing the email when they too are going through so much was another nuclear reactor moment?
Some days later - I was handed a dissertation by our daughter, she has decided to apply to do a master’s degree in English Literature on the psychopathy in literature. ‘Could I look it over & see what I think? My chance!! Did I add any insightful comments? Yes, I found two full stops missing! Natalie the pseudo-intellectual – At last my moment in the spot light!
Sitting at the kitchen isle my husband went to the fridge, opened the door, glanced around at me – “Hey Whale – Fancy a glass of wine!”
